


Behind Every Great Man

by Babylawyer



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, F/M, Hamilton Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-06-25 09:50:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15638292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babylawyer/pseuds/Babylawyer
Summary: A Hamilton AU originally written for OQAngstFest, now includes other prompts and one shotsRobin and Regina Hamilton face many challenges as they try to shape a new nation while balancing their ever growing family.





	1. The Reynolds Pamphlet

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to ariestess and write_read_play for all the encouragement and help with this.  
> Uses Prompts 12, 35, 14, 7, 5, 33, 43, 46, 44,

**June 1797**

Robin Hamilton is staring at his wife, as he often does. She is fully concentrated on an article in the paper, stopping every few paragraphs to underline and scoff at points as she composes her response. He laughs a little as she tries and fails to rest the newspaper on her ever-growing belly. She gives him a slight glare for laughing at her before returning to her task.

There is something about the way Regina looks with a quill that he finds incredibly sexy. Especially now, heavily pregnant with their sixth child. He knows she thinks she looks like a beached whale but he finds her absolutely adorable. He loves to feel their child inside her, knowing that they created that life. And if this child has even a fraction of her smile or a fragment of her mind they will be unstoppable.

He hopes for another girl, a passionate fiery spirit like mother, aunt, and sister. Regina wants another boy, so that they don’t have to face any obstacles in their path because of their gender. And he understands that, knows if it’s a son they will have an easier time but they have four boys already and it’s time Angelica had a little sister to dote on. She hid her disappointment well when Henry and Roland were born, but had let out an exasperated _Another boy _w__ hen she found out the gender of their newest sibling, John. Robin had shared her frustration, and this time, much to Regina’s consternation, had refused to discuss boys’ names with her. She had laughed at him, told him refusing to discuss it wouldn’t change the baby’s gender, as if he wasn’t already aware of that.

He watches as she looks up, not actually looking at anything, with a quizzical expression and he can see the thoughts flowing as she frantically writes out what is likely a scathing dissent to the newspaper article. He doesn’t even know what she’s reading, but knows that he will be hearing all about it soon. He loves when she is all fired up, passionate, ranting. She gets this glean in her eyes when she’s discussing something she really cares about that never fails to make him smile.

She is the smartest person he has ever met in his life. And while some (many) men are intimidated by it, he loves it. He’s been told many times he should control his wife and temper her opinions, that it is shameful for her to be so bold. He wishes he could beat those backward views out of people, but it’s a battle he cannot win. Regina says she doesn’t mind, is happy to advance her agenda through him, but it bothers Robin that he gets credit for her brilliance. It’s unfair that, because she was born a woman, she is seen as lesser, disrespected for having opinions when her opinions are vastly more well informed than anyone he has ever met.

He wouldn’t have accomplished much of anything without her. It was her ideas, her writings that got him invited to the constitutional convention, her ideas that he read and debated. Her idea to create a national bank, but because she is a woman, it all had to go through him. He takes a bit of comfort from the fact that they sign all of their correspondence and writings with R. Hamilton, which may someday provide her the credit she so deserves. Many people think she simply scribes for him and that’s why most of their writings appear in her much nicer hand. Even among those who have heard her speak some still choose to pretend it is all him.

Robin never imagined himself as a member of government, as participating in the creation of a new nation. He had been a revolutionary, of course, dedicated to the cause of freeing America, but his skills were in battle. That’s not to say he isn’t smart or educated, he is, but his biggest contribution to the war was stealing the British canons and debating battle strategies. It was then that General and now President Rumple Washington took notice of Robin and later his wife. While working for Washington Regina showed them the power of the quill and Robin and Regina began publishing together. She wrote most things that are credited to him and at first had sought his approval for anything not published under a pseudonym, but had soon realized he would support anything she wished to say.

She wrote and wrote and wrote, and he had many times asked her how she was able to write so much, his wife was non-stop. She would spend all day with their children and then her nights were spent reading, writing, and planning social events. Even those who were unaware of her time spent writing were in awe of all she accomplished.

It had sometimes caused a strain on their marriage when she worked too hard, but Robin couldn’t and wouldn’t fault her for that anymore. He had done far worse to their marriage, and after what he had done, realizing he might lose it all, the fact that he was sometimes not a priority stopped bothering him. He lived with his guilt over what he had done and from that day on, he had vowed to be the perfect husband, to always support his wife and make sure her voice was heard and her plans were orchestrated.

Things had been good since then, very good. Regina had slowed down a bit and allowed him to resign from government three years prior, after the Whiskey Rebellion and the loss of their baby. She blamed herself for the miscarriage, for working too hard. While the loss was devastating, it allowed both of them to step back and focus more on their family. In coming to terms with it, they grew closer and their marriage stronger. Regina spent fewer nights foregoing sleep, and more in their bed sleeping in his arms. It was what he had always wanted, but had been pushed aside because of Regina’s ambitions.

Now they were able to spend quiet nights together, sometimes both pouring over the newspaper or a book, and then there were other nights, like tonight, where he was content just watching his wife work. So intent and concentrated she didn’t notice his staring until he moved to read over her shoulder.

She looked up at that and smiled as he placed a chaste kiss on her cheek, circling his arms around her stomach feeling the baby, before asking her “What has Burr done now?”

She chuckled at that “It’s not him this time, this is a lovely piece espousing the virtues of slavery.”

“Need any help with the response?” he asks as she moves over giving him space to settle in beside her.

“I’d love that, why don’t you read it and tell me what you think.”

He has just grabbed the paper from her, settled in comfortably resting one hand on her bump and the other holding the paper other when he hears a knock at the door.

“Are we expecting anyone?,” he asks and she shakes her head no, moving to get up but he stops her. “I’ll get it, you keep working.” He expects a protest, because, as she constantly reminds him, she’s pregnant not an invalid, but she seems content to let him go this time.

He opens his door to find Thomas Jefferson, Hades Burr, and George Madison. He racks his brain to see if there is some reason for their presence, if Regina had slammed the Democratic Republicans lately or any of them personally but he comes up with nothing.

“Mr. Vice-President, Mr. Madison and… Burr, might I ask why you’ve graced us with your presence?”

“We have something we need to discuss with you, Mr. Hamilton, in private,” says George Madison.

“Mr. Madison, you know if you have something to say about the Hamiltons, you should say it to both of us.” Robin hides his smirk at the scorned look on Mr. Madison’s face. George Madison has always tried to minimize Regina’s influence on Robin, once offering to subdue her for him. After Robin vehemently refused, Madison had taken to pretending Regina didn’t exist and had refused to speak with either of them for some time until he eventually got over himself.

Robin takes the men into the sitting room where Regina has already claimed a spot.

“So what is this visit regarding, gentlemen?” she asks.

Jefferson starts, “We are here to warn you that we have evidence against you, Mr. Hamilton.”

Regina opens her mouth to speak, but shuts it when Robin says, “You are going to have to be more specific as I have no idea what you are referring to.”

“Nor do I--” Regina adds, before she is cut off by Madison’s exclamation, “We have the cheque stubs from separate accounts, almost 1000 dollars paid in different amounts to a Mr. Walsh Reynolds way back in 1791.”

All of the colour drains out of his face. Robin’s stomach drops, he begins to sweat, and feels like he might vomit. The room is closing in on him as feelings of guilt, despair, and self-loathing flood him. This is his worst fear realized, his life and more importantly, his marriage are about to be ruined. All because he was too weak, too stupid to resist Zelena Reynolds all those years ago. He can’t bear to look at Regina, knowing what’s about to happen will ruin them; he is an absolute disgrace, a horrible husband. How could he have done this to his amazing wife? He’s disgusting, trash, a poor excuse for a man. And it is all made worse because he has been hiding it from her. Lying to himself that this would never come out. Telling himself it was better this way, as he selfishly basked in his wife’s attention.

He tries to hide the terror that he is feeling, but can tell he is not doing it well. He thought he was safe, had paid that money to protect Regina from the truth, from the knowledge of what a terrible husband he was. He has wanted to tell her so many times, but had convinced himself that he should take this secret to his grave so as to not break her heart. He doesn’t know what these men have, knows they probably don’t know what they are asking of him, but if they do know then… oh god. He cannot tell Regina like this, will not tell her like this. She deserves so much more than that, more than the sorry excuse of a man he is.

His panic is interrupted by Regina asking, “Robin, what are they talking about?”

And he hates himself for doing it but he begs her, “Could you give us a minute, Regina? I’ll explain everything later I promise.” He is praying she will do as he asks. He really should tell her now, tell her first, but he will not break her heart in front of these men who already scorn and mock her. And he knows they will not give the two of them the time they need to discuss this.

She looks torn, clearly wants to stay, but sees the pleading look he shoots her and she reluctantly relents, making her way out of the room.

“Hiding things from your wife, are you?” sneers Madison, making clear his hatred of Regina.

Robin wants to bite back, say something to defend himself, but that’s exactly what he’s doing. He feels sick from the guilt, so instead he asks, “Is that what you have?”

Jefferson says, “You are uniquely situated by virtue of your position, though virtue is not a word I’d apply to this situation. To seek financial gain to stray from your sacred nation and the evidence suggests you engaged in speculation.”

Robin’s eyebrows raise. So that’s what they think they have. He knows, in their minds anyway, a charge of speculation is far worse than what actually occurred. He knows that Regina will not want their family legacy tainted by this untrue accusation, knows that he will have to tell her the full story and that she will never forgive him for what he did, and she shouldn’t; he destroyed them six years ago and has been playing with fire ever since, is lucky this didn’t come out sooner. He is disgusted with himself for what he did and for keeping it from her, and that dark part of him still wants to keep it from her, to reap her love and affection for as long as he can, even though he does not and has not deserved it or her for a long time.

Burr is clearly delighted by this turn of events. “An immigrant embezzling a government fund, I can almost see the headline. Your career is done.”

Madison jumps in at that. “I hope you saved some money for your daughter and sons, ya best run back where you came from.”

Robin tries to calm his mind, reminds himself he has to deal with these men before he can tell his wife. “You don’t even know what you’re asking me to confess. You have nothing. I don’t have to tell you anything at all.”

Burr gleefully points out, “Then why did you ask your wife to leave?”

He hates himself for saying it, but tells them, “If I can prove that I never broke the law, do you promise not to tell another soul what you saw?” Even though his marriage will be ruined, he wants to save Regina from the public humiliation as best as he can. It really is the least he can do, and she deserves so much more than that, deserves a better husband, better man, better life, but he cannot change the past and must take responsibility for what happened. But he will try his hardest to make sure the consequences don’t fall onto Regina, won’t have more whispers about her, more fuel for the ones who call her cold and unfeeling because they don’t understand how a woman can have a brain.

No one says anything so Robin asks, “Is that a yes?”

They all nod and then verbalize, “Yes.”

He grabs the letter and passes it to Jefferson, who begins to read it as Robin starts his story.

* * *

**May 1791**

_It’s midnight when Robin says “Regina, darling, you are working too hard, take a break, I have something I want to discuss with you.”_

_“I just need to do a little more,” she says, not bothering to look up at him._

_He moves closer to her, insistent. “Regina, you need to take a break.”_

_She finally looks up at him and tells him plainly, “No. What I need is to get my plan through congress. You’ll lose your job if I don’t get this plan through congress.”_

_He is well aware of that fact and finally verbalizes what he’s been thinking. “Would that really be so bad? Regina, your plan is brilliant, but I hate what this is doing to you. I’ve barely seen you in the last couple months. You spend all day teaching the children and then all night writing, my love you need to get some sleep.”_

_She is obviously thrown by that and has to take a second before she responds. “Robin, how can you say that? Yes, it would be bad if you lost your job. We can do so much for this country with the power you have, but you need to keep it.”_

_Robin knows that, wants them to have these opportunities, but she is working herself to death over this plan. She barely eats, is still working when he goes to bed, and is up before he gets up. He only really sees her at meal times, and then her focus is usually on the children. He can’t remember the last time the two of them had a conversation that wasn’t about this plan and, even if she can't see it, he knows she needs to take a break. “Regina, we can’t keep this up forever, you can’t keep this up forever. When was the last time you got a full night’s sleep?”_

_She shakes her head at that, and he can see the exhaustion setting in as she quietly admits, “It has been a while.”_

_“You need sleep, my dear, if you keep this up you’re going to make yourself sick.”_

_She sighs at that, admitting defeat. “You’re right Robin, I just… I need this to work.” She looks up at him seeking approval that she doesn’t need and asks, “Is that wrong?”_

_“Of course not, my love, and you will make this work, I know you will,” he says, taking her hand and stroking it lightly before pulling her up into a tight embrace, her head falling to rest on his shoulder as she breathes him in. “You are the most brilliant person I have ever met in my life, you will find a way, you always do.”_

_He can feel her smile against his shoulder, and then she wraps her arms around his waist, moves her head so she can look at him as she asks, “What did you want to talk about?”_

_“I was thinking we could go upstate for the summer,” he says, absently playing with a strand and of her hair that has fallen out of the updo it was in. He knows this will take some convincing, but she needs a break, and most of congress is going away for the summer anyway._

_She sighs at that but doesn’t move away from him, which he hopes is a good sign. “Robin, you know we can’t do that, we have to be here.”_

_She has a wistful look on her face, so he tells her what he’s been fantasizing about. “No, we don’t, my love, most of congress is spending the summer with their families. Just think about it: you and me together watching Daniel, Angelica, and Henry swimming.”_

_“Mm, while Roland whines until one of us brings him in, too?”_

_“Exactly, my love, and we can go there together, just the two of us when the night gets dark. A summer with our family away from all the stress, where we can just enjoy everything we are so lucky to have.”_

_She smiles, gives him a quick kiss and tells him through a yawn, “It is appealing, we should try to get away.”_

_He grins, content with this small victory, and grabs her hand, leading her out of the study as he tells her, “We should get you to bed.”_

_“There are some wifely duties I have been neglecting,” she flirts, but it’s a bit half assed because of how exhausted she is. While he will never turn down a chance to be with his wife when she wants it, he knows she is too tired to really be into it, just thinks that she should because it has been so long._

_“Regina, I love you and I miss being with you, but you need to get some sleep.”_

_“I can manage,” she starts and then lets out a loud yawn._

_He raises his eyebrow at that, “The only thing you should be doing is going to sleep.”_

_“I’ll never know how I got so lucky, other men wouldn’t be so understanding.”_

_“That’s where you’re mistaken, I’m the lucky one.” She raises her eyebrows at that in disagreement, but doesn’t respond, instead retiring to their bed._

* * *

_“Regina, come downstairs, Mal will be here any minute,” Robin bellows up the stairs as he tries to contain Daniel and Angelica’s excitement. Their nine year old son and almost seven year old daughter are old enough to remember their Aunt Mal, but five year old Henry and three year old Roland are too young to remember her from her last visit in 1789, so lack their siblings excitement. Robin knows once they get to know her they will love her as much he does._

_Mal, like Regina, is one of the smartest people he had ever met. Both he and Regina were devastated when Mal and her husband, John Little moved to England in 1783. They all wrote to each other constantly, but it wasn’t the same. Mal is one of Robin’s closest friends, a confidante, the sister he never had. John had once confided in Robin that he thought Mal had a crush on him, which became a running family joke that Robin and Mal continued to take every opportunity to fuel._

_Robin sees Mal walking up as Regina comes down the stairs. Regina breaks into a sprint as she realizes Mal has arrived. They grab each other in a big hug and squeal. Robin snickers because he has heard both Regina and Mal make fun of those women._

_As they pull apart Mal turns to Robin. “Robin, it’s good to see your face.”_

_Robin pulls her in for a hug and tells her, “It’s good to see yours, too. Now, Mal tell my wife Leopold Adams spends the whole summer with his family.”_

_Regina rolls her eyes at that and says to Mal, “Mal, tell this man Leopold Adams doesn't have a real job anyway.”_

_Mal looks perplexed for a minute before she asks, “Wait, Regina, you aren’t joining us?”_

_Regina looks down guiltily as she tells her, “I can’t join you upstate right away, I have too many things to do, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”_

_“But, Regina, I came all this way.”_

_Robin smiles at that and adds, “Yeah, Regina, she came all this way. Take a break, run away with us for the summer.”_

_Regina sighs heavily before throwing an accusatory glare at Robin. “He’s making this into a bigger deal than it is. I’ll be there in one week.” She turns to Robin. “And you agreed to this, so please stop with the guilt trip. I feel bad enough about leaving the children.”_

_Robin laughs. “As I told you before, you don’t need to feel guilty about that, just for abandoning your husband and sister for a whole week when they miss you terribly.”_

_Mal adds,”Regina, you are not a bad mother for taking a week away from them, just a bad sister for taking time away from your sister when she came all the way from England.”_

_Regina scowls teasingly at them before complaining, “I haven’t missed the two of you ganging up on me.”_

_Mal guaffs at that and tells her “And we haven't even begun, you need to toughen up little one.”_

_Regina throws her a death glare that Mal ignores turning to greet their now very impatient children. Angelica tells Mal how excited she is for the whole family to be together and Regina’s face falls slightly, her guilt returning._

_He plants a soft kiss on her cheek and tells her “It’s just one week darling and then we will all have the best summer yet.”_

_A week later Robin receives a letter from Regina, courtesy of the maid she sent in her stead, that reads:_

> _My dearest,_  
>  _I know we agreed I would only stay a week but I am so close to working this out I’m going to stay just one more week. After that I promise no more work, I will shift my focus to you and the children._  
>  _All my love,_  
>  _Regina_

_He wonders bitterly if he will ever truly have Regina’s focus. Her and the children are enough for him, but not for her. She’s not satisfied by a quiet life just enjoying their family and all that they have. He wonders, not for the first time, if anything will ever be enough to satisfy her. They should be enough, but he’s not sure they ever will be. It hurts that she is able to push him aside so easily for her work. All he wants is just bit of her time, something she seems intent on giving to everyone but him._

_She leaves it to him to tell the children and he knows they will be very disappointed. They had organized a picnic at the park for her arrival. And Robin had planned to whisk her back to the park at night for a walk in the moonlight and some much needed alone time, but apparently she did not share his desire to spend time together. He knows he should get over it, she said only one more week, but he can’t help remembering the last time she promised him just one week and how easily she broke that promise._

_He waits all that week for another letter saying she’ll be delayed and is ecstatic when none arrives. He feels like an over excited child all day as he waits impatiently for his wife to arrive. He cannot wait to hold her in his arms, to finally have time to just relax and enjoy each other once their children are asleep. He’s been craving the simple pleasure of waking up with her beside him, with no tasks to draw her out of bed at an ungodly hour._

_She comes in and he waits as she greets the children, longing to have her to himself but comforting himself with the fact that they will have time together later. And though he wants to, he will not take her away from their children, who have been missing their mother._

_She turns to him, cuddling Roland in her arms and tells him excitedly “Robin I was able to get Jefferson and Madison to agree to meet with you, all you have to do is firm up what I’ve been negotiating with Jefferson and then we have the votes.”_

_“Oh darling, that’s amazing, you must be so happy your hard work is paying off,” he says, also happy, but more so because this means this project will no longer consume his wife’s time. “When are they coming up?”_

_She sighs and he can tell from the contrite look on her face he is not going to like what she has to say. “George Madison refuses to have me there, doesn’t want me anywhere near this so he would only agree if it was back in town and I was here.”_

_“Regina you can’t be serious.”_

_She tenses at his tone, puts Roland down, suggests that he go play with his Auntie Mal and waits until he has left the room to answer. “It’s just two weeks--”_

_“You want me to leave for two weeks, and you didn’t think to write or run this by me?”_

_She looks sheepish as she admits, “I was afraid you’d say no.”_

_“Well you are damn right I would have said no! But you didn’t give me that choice now did you.”_

_“I’m sorry Robin, I just, this is it the last step and we’ve worked so hard to get this to work, it’s just one last thing.”_

_She looks sufficiently chastened so he softens his tone and asks her, “When do I have to leave?”_

_“I’ve arranged for transport tomorrow morning, I left you very detailed notes but we should go through everything tonight just to be sure.”_

_He’s angry, so much for downtime with his wife, what he has been looking forward to for months, what helped get him through the all that time barely seeing her as she devoted herself to this project. As always he is her last priority, and there is nothing he can do to change it._

* * *

_The house is too quiet without Regina and the children, and of course the dinner gets pushed back a couple of days so he has to spend more time without his family. He blames Regina for his misery as he downs a third whiskey, trying unsuccessfully to drown his sorrows._

_He hears a knock at the door and he opens it to find a young red-headed woman who looks distraught._

_“I’m Zelena Reynolds,” she says extending her hand, “And I’m so sorry to bother you at home, but I don’t know where to go, and I came here all alone.”_

_“Why are you here?”_

_“My husband,” she begins and then chokes on a sob before continuing, “He’s doing me wrong, beating me, cheating me, mistreating me. And now he’s up and gone and I don’t have the means to go on.”_

_He immediately feels for her, this poor woman who has been abused and now abandoned by her husband. He hates that men are able to do things like that to their wives, who are forced to suffer silently without redress. So he offers, “I could give you loan, and I can take you home.”_

_She looks at him so grateful, as if she has never been shown any kindness in her life before. “You’re too kind sir,” and then she hesitates before asking timidly, “Could I stay, just for a bit, I--” her voice breaks off and she takes a deep breath before continuing, “I’m too afraid to be alone right now.”_

_His heartbreaks for this poor woman so he offers her a drink. She asks him to distract her and he tells her about his family. All the alcohol has loosened his tongue and he confides in her his feelings of inadequacy and his fears that he will never be enough for Regina. She’s comforting, supportive, tells him he has every right to be angry with Regina, to want more from her. And then he’s ranting letting out all of his suppressed emotions. It’s surprisingly freeing to air his worst thoughts, to have them accepted and encouraged._

_Zelena gets closer as he tells her more and keeps his drink full, until the room is hazy and he finds he’s all talked out. He apologizes for unloading on her like that but she squeezes his thigh, tells him it’s alright, that she wants to listen, that it helps to focus on someone else’s problems._

_Then after a slight silence she asks “So you two haven’t..." and then she stops and laughs at herself, a faint blush colouring her cheeks._

_He’s confused “What’s so funny?”_

_“I was about to ask you something very inappropriate,” she says still giggling._

_“What were you going to ask?”_

_“I shouldn’t, it’s improper, not my place, I’m sorry.”_

_“It’s fine, just ask.”_

_“I got the sense that it’s been months since you two were together.”_

_She stops, fidgeting with her hands, clearly unwilling to elaborate further, but he understands what she is asking and he tries to picture the last time he and Regina were together. It was quick and there was snow on the ground he knows that, and it’s been even longer since he was allowed to take his time and fully enjoy her. And god he misses being with her, the noises she makes, the way her skin feels against his._

_Then he shakes his head trying to clear away these dangerous thoughts at he admits, “It’s been about six months.” God six months since the last time he was inside her and no wonder it takes next to nothing to turn him on lately._

_He is suddenly painfully aware of just how close Zelena Reynolds is to him and he should back away but he is loving the attention, has ached for Regina to pay attention to him like this._

_“Wow, I don’t know how that’s possible, you... well you’re so attractive.” She leans in and his eyes dart from her lips to her cleavage as he tries to get his hormones under control. Then she whispers in his ear so close he shivers as her breath hits his neck. “And god if you were my husband I wouldn’t be able to resist you for that long.”_

_And then she is kissing him and he doesn’t say no._

_The last thing he remembers is her hand untying his breeches._

_He wakes up beside a woman who is not his wife, and he feels dirty, disgusting and very very hungover. His head is pounding and he wants to throw up, which he thinks is only partially caused by the hangover. He attends the dinner with Jefferson and Madison. Regina was right about what they wanted so he makes the deal and secures the votes. He wants to happy about it but all he can think about is how badly he has screwed up and how his life will never be the same._

_He vows to tell Regina everything and prays to god that somehow she finds it in her heart to forgive him. But then when he arrives she throws herself into his arms and he doesn’t want to let go of that moment. He decides he will tell her that night, when no young ears could overhear. Their day is perfect spent together as a family, exactly what he had wanted. He pushes down the guilt tells himself to enjoy it while he can._

_And then when they are alone and he’s gathering his courage to confess she attacks lips, pushes him down and climbs on top of him, intent on showing him just how grateful she is to him for getting this plan through. He couldn’t resist her if he tried._

_He tells himself he will tell her later, at a better time, that he will just take one more day to revel in being with her and then, then he will tell her. But that becomes a familiar refrain as one day becomes two, becomes a week, becomes a month._

_Then he receives a letter from a Mr. Walsh Reynolds that reads:_

> _Dear Sir, I hope this letter finds you in good health, and in a prosperous enough position to put wealth in the pockets of people like me: down on their luck. You see, that was my wife who you decided to fuck.You made the wrong sucker a cuckold, so time to pay the piper for the pants you unbuckled, and hey, you can keep seeing my whore wife, if the price is right: if not I’m telling your wife._

_And this is it, he has to tell Regina what he’s done, has to ruin their perfect summer. A terrible voice in his head reminds he could just pay Mr. Reynolds for it to all go away. He sits on it for a day as that voice gets more a more persuasive. He thinks maybe it is better not to tell Regina. That he should be the only one paying the price for his misdeeds. That he should live with the guilt and spare her the pain of what he’s done._

* * *

After he’s told the story, the men agree to keep it to themselves, but Hades Burr reminds Robin that rumors only grow.

He feels like he may faint as he approaches the bedroom, where he knows Regina is waiting. She looks up at him with a smile on her face, eyes full of affection and he stops, takes it all in, causing her to ask, “What are you doing?”

“Just trying to memorize you like this.”

“What, nervous and alarmed?” she asks chuckling.

“No, with love in your eyes,” he says, swallowing nervously and trying to calm his racing heart.

“Robin, what is going on?” she asks taking his hand, her voice full of concern he doesn’t deserve.

He struggles to find his voice as he tells her, “I love you so much, Regina, and I’m so so sorry. I—” his voice breaks and tears well in his eyes as he begins his confession. “It was years ago, when we were trying to get the plan through congress-- and god, I’m so sorry, Regina, I don’t deserve you, I ruined us, I—”

He’s trying to power through but the tears are freely flowing as she looks at him confused, giving him the time he needs, and it just serves as a reminder of how great she is and how badly he messed everything up, a reminder of what he is about to shatter and it’s too much. His heart is breaking and it is all his fault.

He chokes down a sob as he finally tells her, “I slept with someone else and then I paid off her husband so he wouldn’t tell you.”

He watches as her face changes from disbelief to anger to sadness, and then it goes blank. She says nothing, and he anxiously awaits the explosion. He can take it, will take every bit of her anger because he deserves it.

He is utterly floored when she pulls his face toward hers and kisses him roughly. It is desperate and needy, all teeth and tongue, and he moans as she moves her lips down his jaw, nipping and biting with an aggression he’s never felt from her. It’s a bit awkward maneuvering around the baby, and he knows he needs to stop it, knows she is not thinking straight. Knows she doesn’t actually want him, how could she after learning what he did? Still he can’t help his body’s reaction to her and the desire not to stop this, because this will probably be the last time, and he can’t imagine his life without her. Can’t imagine never doing this with her again.

When she slides her hands into his pants, stroking him roughly, it’s pure torture but he grabs her hand and stops her.

She pulls away, looking devastated, and a single tear falls down her face as she quietly mutters, “I’m so stupid. How could you want this? I’m massive and gross and—” Her words are cut off as sobs wrack through her body and she weeps violently beside him. He aches to comfort her, but knows he has lost that right after what he did. Still, she needs to understand that he does want her, has always wanted her, will never stop wanting her.

So he tells her, “You are stunning, sexy, and I want to, Regina, I really do, you had the proof of that in your hand, but I know you don’t want me and I won’t take advantage of you like that.”

Her reply is biting and cuts him. “Oh, so it’s fine to cheat on me, but not to have sex with me, is that what you are saying?”

“What? No, Regina, I just… I love you and I don’t want to do anything now that will hurt you.”

“It’s a little late for that.”

He doesn’t have a response, waits for her to yell at him, scream at him, kick him out, tell him it’s over. Things that will crush him but are well-deserved.

“Why did you do it?” she asks without looking at him, her voice eerily calm.

“I—it was a mistake. I was drunk and lonely and missing you and she—“

“Who was she?” Regina interrupts, her voice colder than he’s ever heard it.

“Her name was Zelena Reynolds, she came to the house, told me her husband had beat and abandoned her, told me she needed help.”

“And so you slept with her?” Regina says, her voice raising with every word. “You decided my wife isn’t here, so I’ll just screw this woman instead and then I’ll hide it from her, hide it for years, because Regina won’t suspect anything, she’s that stupid, won’t question me’?”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Actually I think it was exactly like that. God did you honestly think I wouldn’t find out?”

“I hoped that you wouldn’t. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have kept this from you, I never meant to hurt you. I lied and told myself it was better not to tell you.” They are both crying and he reaches for her hand, but she pulls it away, flinching.

“You told me you supported me, that it was okay we didn’t have sex for a while, and I thought how am I so lucky, but it was all a lie you told me, just so you could feel better about what you were doing.”

“What? No, Regina, I meant it when I said you didn’t owe me sex, I did. And I, this… it only happened that one time and I felt so terrible and I vowed to be better. I was going to tell you, I was, and then I got the votes, and you were just so happy, and I couldn’t bear to ruin that.”

“Oh god, that’s when you came upstate and you... you and I, oh god, I can’t even look at you right now. I need to get out of here.”

“Regina, please talk to me, tell me what you need me to do.”

“I can’t do this right now—I need, I need to not see you. In the morning, I’m taking the children to my father’s.”

“Regina, please don’t leave me, I know I have no right to ask, I don’t deserve another chance, but I love you so much and I can’t imagine my life without you.”

“You made the choice, deal with it. You did this, you, and now you need to get out here until I leave. I don’t want to see you, I can’t bear to look at you. To know what you did with her, and then you came back and played the doting husband, jumped into bed with me, and I wondered how I was lucky enough to find such a perfect man. God I feel sick, I can’t, you need to leave, Robin. You need to leave.”

He knows it’s true, doesn’t want to go, but this is it, his marriage is over, he may never see his wife and children again, but it is what he deserves. So he turns and heads toward the spare room where he cries himself to sleep.

When he wakes up, she is gone and he finds a note that says:

> _I ask that you not contact me unless I ask you to, I need time. I have taken the children to my fathers and you may write to them there. Do whatever you need to do to refute these speculation rumors, the truth will come out regardless, it might as well be used to protect our legacy._

She writes on August 4th to advise him they have a new son that she’s named William Henry Hamilton.

He sends her the pamphlet first, before he publishes it, hopes she will tell him not to do it, but he receives nothing until August 31st, when she writes to tell him Daniel has Typhus and the local doctor doesn’t have a cure. He was aware Daniel was sick, had been writing constantly to their children, telling them how much he loved them, missed them, and to be good to their mother. But it’s more serious than he realized and he receives a letter the next day telling him they are making their way back home so Daniel can receive the treatment he needs.

When they arrive, Regina makes a point not to speak to him. She leaves him alone with the children and he is so happy to see them, grateful that they are back in his life. He moves into the guest room, and they don’t exchange anything more than small talk, and only when they are around the kids, for several weeks. He wants to fight for her, wants to prove to her he can be a better man, but she’s asked for time and he vows to give it to her. He knows he has earned the pain he is in, but it is absolute torture being this close to his wife, when she is shutting him out.

Then one day when he is playing with Henry and Roland. Regina comes in, holding William, and just watches them. He tries to focus on the children, not be affected by her presence, and fails. He catches her eyes and she looks back at him, not dropping her gaze as he has come to expect.

Angelica joins them and asks to hold her little brother. Regina passes William off to her and then asks Roland and Henry if she can borrow their father for a minute. She motions for him to come out to the hall and he follows her, surprised by this turn of events.

“You’re so good with them,” she says and his face lights up at her unexpected compliment.

“Thank you Regina and thank you for coming back with them, I know that couldn’t have been easy but I’m so so grateful.”

She blushes at that, a reaction that surprises but comforts him, he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to make Regina blush again. She looks down before she brings her gaze back up to meet his and she looks hesitant and unsure of herself. He wants so badly to ask what’s bothering her but knows he has lost that right.

He is utterly floored and it feels like his heart stops when she whispers “I miss you.”

“And I you,” he says, wanting to pull her into a tight embrace, but not wanting to push his luck.

“Robin I don’t know how not to love you. You hurt me, deeply and I want to get past it, I do and I know I should be, this is just something men do and we weren’t so it’s only natural that you--”

He cuts her off there because he will not let her take any blame for this. “Love, this wasn’t your fault, you did nothing wrong and you have every right to be angry with me, you should be, I betrayed your trust and ruined our marriage. What I did was terrible, it was selfish and unforgivable. I know I don’t deserve you Regina or your forgiveness but I can't imagine my life without you. If you let me I will spend the rest of my life making up for this.”

Her eyes water during his speech and for the first time in a long time she smiles at him. She takes his hand, grips it tight and tells him firmly “I’m still mad at you, but I think I’d like it if you joined me in the office tonight, once the children are in bed. I could your thoughts on this essay I’m writing.”

“I’d love that.”

She hesitates and then adds quickly, “I’m not ready for anything more than that right now, but I think in time I will be.”

He smiles broadly at her as he tells her “Take as much time as you need, I’m not going anywhere.”


	2. Stay Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel is challenged to a duel after defending his father   
> uses prompts 10 and 47  
> See end for TW

**November 1801**

“And then Peter Eacker called us rascals and that’s when Gideon and I challenged him to the duel,” Daniel explains, “He’s dueling Gideon tomorrow and then me the next day.”

Robin sighs heavily, “So what do you need to know, son?”

“I need advice, this is my very first duel.”

“Did your friends attempt to negotiate a peace?”

“He refused to apologize, we had to let the peace talks cease,” Daniel says emphatically. “And that’s why I need the advice.”

Robin can’t bear the idea of his son being hurt, or worse. Most disputes die and no one shoots, but he can’t risk his son's life.

“You should delope,” Robin says then sees the confusion on Daniels face, realises he doesn’t recognize the term and explains, “Throw away your first shot, fire your weapon in the air, this will end the whole affair.”

Daniel looks frightened as he asks, “What if he shoots anyway?”

Robin rushes to reassure him. “No. He’ll follow suit if he’s truly a man of honor.”

“But what if I draw second shot?” queries Daniel his tone still showing an edge of anxiety.

“Then you refuse to raise to raise your pistol after you count the ten paces, to make clear your intent.”

Robin can see Daniel calming as he processes the advice. Then he asks, “Father, can I borrow one of your guns?”

“Of course, be smart, make me proud, son. Where is this happening?”

“Across the river in Jersey, I’m going to stay at Aunt Mal’s because it’s closer.”

* * *

“I’m nervous,” says Regina, as she plays with her hair, a nervous habit that her mother never failed to scold her for. She turns to Robin, grabs his hand and asks, "No news is good news, right?”

She knows he is just as anxious, but is hiding it better than her, his voice coming out calm as he answers, “Yes, it is, no one was hurt yesterday in Gideon’s duel, even with three shots fired. I’m sure Daniel will be just fine.”

Regina wishes she could believe that, but she has a bad feeling about this, one that has been growing stronger with each moment that passes. She just wants to know, can’t bear to sit waiting, uncertain.

She wishes they had traveled to Mal’s residence, because then they would have answers by now. But Daniel had asked them not to, didn’t want his parents fretting over him. He was embarrassed, she thinks, feeling too old to need his parents there. Daniel is growing into an incredible man, but Regina misses the sweet little mama's boy that stole her heart the first time she saw him. Until she had Daniel, Regina didn’t know it was possible to love someone so much so quickly.

Her musings are interrupted by Gideon rushing in. She notices what she thinks is blood on his jacket and time stops. Her world stops and she knows, knows before he can even say it, that something has gone terribly wrong.

Robin asks anxiously, “Is that blood?”

Gideon nods breathless and he tells them, “Daniel’s been shot.”

Everything shatters, she lets out a noise half scream half sob, she can’t control her limbs, almost falls over but Robin’s arm shoots out steadying her. Her son, her first born son, so smart, sweet, innocent. She can’t breath as she stands stunned, feeling absolutely helpless and grief stricken as Gideon explains, “He did as you said he refused to raise his pistol and then Peter followed suit but then Peter raised his gun and so did Daniel and then they both shot and he got him, he got Daniel in the hip.

It feels like the room is caving in on her, her breath finally returning, but coming out in sharp gasps and she can hear her heart pounding as her mind races and she pictures it, her sweet baby boy and she begins to sob, wants so badly to break down and cry but she needs to see her son, now.

Robin jumps up, racing out the door telling them he’ll fetch Doctor Hopper and will meet them at Mal’s.

As they rush to Mal’s Gideon’s trying to comfort her offer reassurance, hope but none of his words are landing. She barely hears him too intent on reaching her son, needing to see him needing to know he’s alive. Everything's a haze as she wills herself to keep walking, not to think about what if he doesn’t make it, he has to life, she cannot fathom a life without her son. She wills herself not to break down as they rush toward her sisters, but she is lost to the sea of anxious grief.

Doctor Hopper is already there when she arrives but she barely notices. All she can see is Daniel’s pale ashen face as he offers her a weak smile. She rushes to his side, grabs his hand and sobs, hard gut wrenching sobs as she takes in his appearance. They don’t say anything, don’t need to, because she knows already that it is too late, that there is no hope.

She would give anything to save him, would sell her soul but there is nothing, nothing she can do and it kills her. Regina prays like she never has before begs god to spare her sweet boy, please no not Daniel, please don’t take my baby, he can’t die, he can’t. She begs them to take her instead, wants to die rather than face a life without him.

Robin arrives an hour later and Regina hasn’t moved, will not let go of Daniel's hand, will not leave his side.

“What took ya so long father?” asks Daniel weakly, trying to lighten the mood.

But Robin takes one look at him and Regina sees the despair cover his face she watches as he chokes down a sob before joining her at his bedside. She prays and begs and pleads, but her prayers go unanswered as Daniel grows weaker and weaker. His eyes close and the whisper that they love him.

When he doesn’t open them again Regina begs tearfully, “Can you please wake up?” but it’s met with silence as his breaths grow shorter and shorter.

They sit at his bedside all night, crushed, broken and defeated as their son takes his last breath in the early hours of the morning. Then they keep sitting, saying nothing, what’s the point anymore, as the sorrow floods them.

“I fainted,” chokes out Robin breaking the silence, “I got their house and I just i was so anxious and I fainted and… and I missed out on more time with him. I want more time with him.” And then he breaks down and Regina pulls him into a tight embrace her eyes filling with tears as she tries to contemplate life without her son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: death (but not Robin, Regina, Roland, or Henry)


	3. Your Obedient Servant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hades Burr challenges the Hamiltons to a duel. 
> 
> Uses prompts: 6, 13, 20, 24, 26, 41 and 49.

**June 1804**

It’s quiet uptown, Regina finds she likes it, even though she never liked the quiet before. But she is different now, Daniel’s death changed her, she knows it, she’s colder, angrier, closed off to everyone but her husband and children. She’s knitting in the sitting room, just so her hands have something to do, as she let’s her mind wander.

They’ve picked up the pieces the best they can, but she doesn’t think she will ever be the same. She was shattered and slowly put herself back together, and in doing so, her walls are up, she’s guarded and her mother's favourite phrase, _L_ _ove is weakness,_ now makes far more sense to her.

She doesn’t think she would have made it through without Robin and the children, she knew she had to live for them, had to keep pushing for them, even when it seemed easier to just swim down and let herself drown in hatred and anger.

Regina has lost herself, has no purpose, goes on day to day with her family, the only thing that brings her a semblance joy, but she feels empty, like her life has no meaning, and she knows she needs to find something to fill that hole, but worries nothing will.

Robin seems to have found that in their children, dedicating himself to them and their education, in a way she suspects he always wanted, but his job didn’t allow for. She’s stepped back a little, let him take over, while she tries to figure out what, if anything, will fill the void in her heart.

Work no longer matters to either of them, Robin works just enough to pay their debts but no more. They do their part, contribute to the discourse, speak out against potential disasters, like Hades Burr’s presidential and gubernatorial campaigns, but for the most part they keep to themselves. She still feels a duty to ensure politicians don’t ruin the nation they built for their children, but she no longer has the need or the energy to be actively involved.

Robin walks into the sitting room followed by Gaston Van Ness, Hades Burr’s right hand man and Regina can't help but sigh. She would prefer never to have this man in her house because of his close connection with Hades Burr, but she will not cause a scandal by refusing him entry, not that that would matter anyway because he’s already in her home.

“Good evening Mrs. Hamilton,” says Gaston with a wide smile, one that Regina does not return.

“Why are you here Mr. Van Ness?” she asks, not hiding the disdain in her voice, she knows she will be called rude for it, but finds she doesn’t care.

“I have a letter for you both from Hades Burr,” he tells her passing the envelope to Robin. And how typical, giving it to the man of the house.

“Mm well now that you have fulfilled your task, please leave us be,” states Regina forcefully, Robin’s eyebrows shoot up but he says nothing. It’s rude, impolite and improper, but Regina can’t be bothered to waste her energy entertaining a man she despises.

“I...uh, Mr. Burr wanted me to point out a specific clause to you.”

She sighs realizing it won’t be that easy to get rid of him and gestures to Robin to open the letter.

Robin reads:

Sir,

I send for your perusal a letter signed Ch. D. Cooper which, though apparently published some time ago, has but very recently come to my knowledge. Mr. Van Ness, who does me the favor to deliver this, will point out to you that clause of the letter to which I particularly request your attention.

You must perceive, Sir, the necessity of a prompt and unqualified acknowledgement or denial of the use of any expressions which could warrant the assertions of Dr. Cooper.

I have the honor to be  
Your Obdt. St

H. Burr

Regina knows what part he is referring to, had seen in The Albany register back in the letter that alleged they called Burr a dangerous man, and one who ought not be trusted with the reins of government, and claiming to know of a still more despicable opinion which the Hamilton’s has expressed of Mr. Burr. Still she let’s Gaston fulfill his task and show Robin the vague allegations.

Once he finishes she requests, “Now that you have actually fulfilled your task, please leave us.”

Gaston looks astonished again, even though it shouldn’t come as a surprise, given that she has already asked him to leave. She can hear Robin apologizing as he escorts Gaston out and she would be offended if she couldn't hear how insincere the apology is, but of course Gaston is too stupid to understand nuance, so eats up Robin’s exceedingly lavish apology.

As Robin renters the room he asks, “Do you know what opinion of Burr to which this letter is referring?”

She scoffs as she tells him, “I have absolutely no idea, we’ve had a lot of opinions about Burr, he’ll have to be more specific for us be able to answer the allegations.”

Robin says thoughtfully, “Well perhaps we should advise him of that.”

Regina smirks and tells him, “Mm this could be fun.”

Together they compose their response:

Sir:  
We have maturely reflected on the subject of your letter of the 18th Instant, and the more we have reflected, the more we have become convinced that we could not without manifest impropriety make the avowal or disavowal which you seem to think necessary.

We stand ready to avow or disavow promptly and explicitly any precise or definite opinion which we may be charged with having declared to any gentleman. More than this can not fitly be expected from us; and especially it can not reasonably be expected that we shall enter into an explanation upon a basis so vague as that which you have adopted. To aid you in citing a more specific grievance we attach an itemized list of thirty years of disagreements.

Sir, we have the honor to be  
Your Obdt. Sts

R. & R. Hamilton

Burr responds:

Sir, 

I am slow to anger, but I toe the line, as I reckon with the effects, of your life on mine. I look back on where I failed, and in every place I checked, the only common thread has been your disrespect. Now you call me “amoral,” a “dangerous disgrace,” if you’ve got something to say  
Name a time and place face to face.

I have the honor to be  
Your Obdt. St

H. Burr

They hastily write back:

Sir, 

Your grievance is legitimate, we stand by what we said, every bit of it. You stand only for yourself, It’s what you do. There can be no apology because it’s true.

We have the honor to be  
Your Obdt. Sts

R. & R. Hamilton

Robin’s best friend Will Pendleton suggests he intervene and try to work it out with Gaston Van Ness. Will thinks he may have some luck, as he and Gaston once bonded over being rejected by the same woman. Robin worries about Hades, tells Will that, but Regina thinks it will work itself out. Hades has never been one to espouse an opinion or take a stand and she can’t see that changing now.

But then Will comes to them, looking glum and tells them, “Hades has challenged ‘the Hamiltons’ to a duel, I tried to talk some sense into him, reminded him that dueling is illegal everywhere now, but he is out to get you, even Gaston thinks he’s being unreasonable.”

Regina is shocked, but one thing sticks with her and she feels the need to clarify, “What does he mean by he challenges the Hamiltons?”

Will agitation is clear as he explains, “That’s the ridiculous part, he knows the opinion likely came from you Regina, so he wants to face both of you.”

“Is he deranged?” asks Robin furiously, “He can’t challenge a woman.”

Will nods, “That’s what I said and he informed me he didn’t challenge Regina specifically, just the Hamiltons, he won’t listen to reason.”

Regina shakes her head as she exclaims, “You have got to be kidding me, this man is ridiculous.”

Robin agrees but then to Regina’s irritation says, “Well that will not be a problem because she won’t be going.”

“Excuse me?! You must be out of your mind if you think I’m not going and you are. You are not leaving me behind Robin. If anything it should just be me, he’s not stupid enough to try and kill me, he’d be destroyed.”

“No Regina, I can’t let you risk your life like that!”

“You won’t let me?” she asks her tone icy, and she sees Will awkwardly exiting the room, “You have no right to forbid me to go, you’ve always said I make my own choices. Well I’ve decided I am going and that’s final.”

“Regina, please I can’t lose you,” Robin begs.

She gets where he is coming from, she really does but it still angers her because it’s hypocritical. “And what you think I’ll be okay if I lose you? That’s not fair, you don’t get to decide that my life means more than yours.”

Robin squeezes her hand telling her, “You’re right Regina, and I’m sorry, I just… I don’t know what to do.”

“Either we both go or neither of us go.” He looks like he’s going to challenge her on that and they sit staring at each other for a second, both refusing to break the eye contact. Then he sighs, “Regina, I don’t care about being branded a coward but I don’t think Hades is going to stop, he challenged you for god’s sakes, maybe not in explicit words but the intent is clear.”

“So then we will go and try and work this out, make him see reason, things will be quite different for him when his life is on the line, I’m sure of it.”

Robin relents wearily, “I hope you’re right darling.” And god she hopes she is too, but she refuses to even let herself fathom this duel actually occurring. It won’t happen, Hades will realize it’s a mistake and back out.

“I really hate him,” she mutters.

“Me too, darling, me too.”

* * *

**July 11, 1804**

Regina is filled with dread and anxiety. She had refused to acknowledge this day could actually occur, and now that it’s here she just knows something bad is going to happen. She cannot lose Robin, has already lost enough love in her life. She knows Hades is a terrible shot, but all he needs is one good one. Robin will waste his shot she knows that, and she can’t say she would do the same if she knew how to shoot.

They had argued constantly over who was going to stand for them and Regina still thinks Hades wouldn’t be able to kill her, but she doesn’t know how to shoot a gun and Robin will not let her take the risk, even though, as she has constantly reminded him throwing away his shot creates the same risk for him.

The tension in the air is palatable as Will and Gaston try to negotiate a final peace. But it’s not going well and Regina refuses to sit idly by waiting for her husband to get shot. So when everyone else is occupied she approaches Hades.

“We don’t need to do this Hades, we’ve all said things, you just need to let this go, move on and I promise you, you will be happier.”

“You know nothing of my happiness, you despicable woman, hiding behind your husband even though we all know it was you. Funny you’ve always told me to speak and deal with the consequences yet hide when it’s time for you to face the consequences of your actions Mrs. Hamilton.”

She’s never seen anyone look at her with so much hate, she can’t help but bait him, “So it’s me that you want Hades, well then have me, I can’t shoot, so you might as well shoot right now, I’m defenceless either way, but you won’t do that will you?”

Regina's blood runs cold when he responds venomously, “I wouldn’t be so sure,” raising his gun to her. Her breath comes out in short spurts as she realizes this man is crazy, will kill her and god she’s not ready, she cannot leave her children, doesn’t want to die, needs more time.

So she begs, “Hades stop, this isn’t worth it, if you kill me your life really will be ruined, you’ll go to jail for murder.”

He looks her dead in the eye and says coldly, “That’s what you get for trying to turn the world against me.”

She’s backing away slowly, trying to put distance between them. Then Robin grabs her arm, causing her to jump. She’s been so frightened, could only focus on Hades so she didn’t notice him running over to her. And god he was right, Robin was right, this will never be over for Hades until he kills them, they should have ran away when they had the chance, but because of her stupidity they are going to die, their children left as orphans. And though she hasn't prayed since the gods turned their back on her and let her son die, she sends up a plea to please please spare them. It’s not their time, this isn’t fair, their family has endured enough tragedy.

Robin pleads, “Hades don’t do this, shoot me, leave her alone.”

Hades responds, “Sorry ladies first,” as he raises the gun. And no, god no, this can’t be happening. Robin jumps in front of her as Hades fires and no, this cannot be real, it isn’t real, it has to be a dream this can’t be happening, it’s not fair. She sees the bullet hit Robin’s hip and he is falling, but no he cannot die, he cannot die. He’s her soulmate the love of her life and she won't survive without him. Her tears fall freely as she stands terrified frozen in place knowing she’s about to die too. At least they will be together.

And since he’s going to kill her anyway she sinks down to her knees grabs Robin who whispers, “I love you.”

And then she sees his gun and without thinking she grabs it points it at Hades and pulls the trigger. When she does Hades sends a bullet towards her but she dodges it, leaning onto Robin and caressing his face silently pleading with him not to die, not to leave her.

Hades goes down and then Doctor Hopper and will run over to help. As they row Robin back to Angelica’s, she tells him that she loves him over and over and _don’t you dare die on me_. She tells him that she needs him at her side, that is he is her future and she needs him to stay alive.

But she is so scared, there is so much blood and Robin is fading in and out of consciousness. But she cannot, will not lose him too.

Doctor Hopper tells her he can’t remove the bullet because it’s lodged in Robins spine, and if somehow he lives, he will never walk again.

When Robin wakes up she pleads with him her eyes filled with tears and her voice shaky, “I don’t want to lose you too, please you can’t leave me.”

Robin responds weakly, “I’ll do my best my love, but if this is our last night together know that I love you, forever and always.”

“No, no god Robin, this can’t be it, we need more time, you have to fight, please… please promise me you’ll fight. I love you Robin, please don’t go where I can’t follow.”

“I promise love,” he whispers squeezing her hand with a frail grip, as his eyes flutter shut and he fights to keep them open.

She tells him through her tears, hoping to god she won’t regret it, “You need to rest, I’ll be right here.”

She stays at his bedside all night, but he doesn’t wake up again. And this can’t be the end she need him to be okay, can’t live a life where both her son and her husband are gone. He’s still breathing shallowly, and Doctor Hopper says he should live if he wakes up.

But he stays sleeping but still breathing for two days. And Doctor Hopper says if he doesn't wake up soon he never will.

Regina’s head is pounding she hasn’t slept in two days, hasn't left his bedside, won’t leave him. She begs, “Can you please wake up?” but there is no answer and she cries, gut wrenching sobs, as she realizes he is not coming back to her.

She must fall asleep crying, because she wakes up and his eyes are open and he’s holding her hand.

“Is this a dream?” she asks her voice soft and frail from all the crying.

“Well if it is then it’s an excellent one.”

She melts into him, hugging him in a tight embrace as his arms circle around her. “Robin I’ve missed you.”

“I know.”

“It’s not fair Robin, why did you leave me?” she asks tearily.

“Regina darling, I haven’t left you, I’m here, this isn’t a dream.”

Then Regina’s crying again, a loud sob escapes her, but this time it’s tears of joy. Doctor Hopper rushes in, his eyes widening in amazement as he exclaims, “You’re awake.”

“Indeed I am,” says Robin teasingly, but his tone still very weak.

“Can you move?” asks Doctor Hopper and Robin tries to move his legs but he can’t.

“I haven’t felt them since I was shot. Is… Is that permanent?” asks Robin.

“I’m afraid so,” says Doctor Hopper grimly.

Regina is elated, “Robin, the fact that you’re alive is a miracle, just stay alive and that will be enough. You were always right we don't need a legacy, we don’t need money, as long as we have each other it will be enough.”

Robin smiles at that, but asks anxiously, “Will you relish being a poor man’s wife, unable to provide for your life?”

She can’t but laugh at the absurdity because he’s alive and that’s all that matters to her, “Robin I relish being your wife, look at where we are, the fact that you're alive is a miracle. I don’t pretend to know the challenges you’ll face but I’m not afraid, I know who I married and as long as you’re here it’s all I need, all I’ll ever need.”

And it is hard, they lose their house and they struggle financially, until her father dies and they are left a sizeable inheritance. Robin never fully recovers, never walks again and he’s weak, easily worn out, so he sleeps a lot but he’s there beside her when she goes to bed, and when she wakes up.

In taking care of Robin, while raising the rest of their children she finds her purpose, the thing that was missing. With the inheritance she establishes the first private orphanage in New York City and helps raise hundreds of children. She sees Daniel in all of them, sees him every time, and though it stings, she refuses to waste anymore time on tears. She dedicates time to ensuring people’s stories get told, she interviews soldiers, helps raise funds for the Washington monument, speaks out against slavery. But the majority of her time is spent with her family, Robin sitting by her side, and that’s all she needs.


	4. Wedding Night Jitters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina and Robin are both nervous about their wedding night and seek out advice from their friends and family before the big day.

**December 13, 1780**

She's getting married tomorrow and she's nervous, so so nervous, not because she doesn't think she's making the right choice, she knows she is, but because of her wedding night. She knows (sort of) what's expected of her, but the advice her mother gave her did the opposite of what it was supposed to and left her more confused and anxious than before.

Her mother had prattled on about how she would need to keep her husband happy and show him what he'd be missing whenever he was away. About how important it was for Regina to do it well, so she didn't end up disgraced by her husband's misdeeds and bastard children.

"After all," Cora had remarked, "Just look at his mother Regina, it's a disgrace. You cannot bring that sort of shame to our family. It's bad enough you are marrying him, and you must ensure he doesn't drag our family into disrepute."

Regina had been angered by her Mother's comments about Robin's family, she knew her mother didn't approve and she had naively thought the criticism of Robin would stop as the wedding drew closer. Regina had ignored her last comment because it's not worth fighting with her over it. 

"And how do I...um…" she stammered blushing hotly.

"Don't stutter Regina it's unbecoming," her mother snapped back.

She didn't look in her mother's eyes when she asked. "How do I keep him happy, ensure my wedding night is satisfying?"

"Just give him what he wants and focus on his pleasure."

Her face was flushed red when she had asked timidly, "I'm not sure what you mean."

Cora had scoffed, "You are to be married Regina, these are things you need to know, give him your body, however he wants it, whenever he wants it. Ask him what he likes and do that, whatever it is. Make sure you are the best he's ever had. If you play your cards right he'll never stray from your bed."

She knew enough to know that at least the first time it would hurt. "Does it always hurt?"

"No, you get used to, but don't show that it hurts, they want you to enjoy it."

"And um how do I do that?"

Cora had narrowed her eyes, "Don't show it on your face, pretend you are enjoying, really Regina I thought you were smarter than this."

"That's… that's not what I meant, how do I… uh enjoy it?"

"It's not about you Regina, it's about him. Now I think we've had enough distasteful conversation for one night."

She'd been stewing over her mother's words ever since, she wanted it to be good for Robin, wanted to bring him pleasure, but everything her mother told her seemed contradictory. As usual, instead of helping, her mother had just added to her confusion and made her feel stupid.

She's fretting anxiously when her sisters Mal and Mary Margaret enter her room, not bothering to knock. 

"Oh Regina, are you excited? Tomorrow you'll be a married woman," asks Mary Margaret excitedly.

"And you have parental approval, no scandalous eloping for you," quips Mal.

"I am," she starts and then sighs, "I'm just nervous about tomorrow night."

Mal nods in understanding, and moves to sit on the bed beside her. "There's nothing to be afraid of little one, the first time might be a bit awkward, but once you know each other well, then it's incredible."

Mary Margaret's eyes widen in interest as she settles on the bed beside Mal. "I thought it was only good for men."

Mal shakes her head emphatically, almost amused. "You need to know this for when you marry David-"

Mary Margaret interjects with a tone that supposed to be convincing but falls flat. "I'm not going to marry David, he's just a farmer, our parents would never approve."

"They are letting Regina marry Robin so I wouldn't be so sure about that, and if not you can always follow my example and elope."

"David and I are just friends I don't… I'm not, it's not like that."

Regina stifles a laugh as Mal responds, "Oh please you are so obvious Peggy; even a blind man could see you like him."

Mary Margaret blushes fiercely and responds hotly, "I prefer Mary Margaret. I'm not a child anymore."

Mal rolls her eyes, and gives her a silent whatever look before continuing, "Now as I was saying, it should be good for both of you and if it's not then that's a problem."

Regina asks, "But how do you know if it's good."

Mal sighs, "Trust me, _you'll know_ , but have you ever felt heat, a longing to touch there before?"

Regina blushes furiously and stares at the floor uncomfortable. She remembers that time she and Robin went for an open carriage ride and stopped in a secluded field, how they had kissed and kissed and his hands had wandered over her dress and the heat that had built between her legs as he touched and kissed her. 

Mary Margaret also stays silent, eyes glued to the floor.

When Mal realizes they aren't going to answer her she continues. "You don't need to admit anything but if you've given yourself pleasure then you can show a man how to do it."

Mary Margaret nods in understanding, and great even her naive little sister knows about this than her. Even though she wants to die of embarrassment Regina asks softly, "And what if you haven't?"

Both Mal and Mary Margaret eye her curiously and Regina feels her cheeks burn, this is absolutely humiliating, she's normally the knowledgeable one. Now, with this, she's totally lost. She wishes she just kept her mouth shut. She's never been this mortified before. It's one of those rare times she wishes magic was real, so she could just poof herself out of this embarrassing situation.

Mal quickly soothes, grabbing her hand and stroking it lightly. "That's okay little one, you can figure it out together, you should feel pleasure when you are together, lots of it, and it might not happen the first time but there are things he can do to help."

God she feels like such an idiot, but gathers her courage because she needs to know and asks, "Like what?"

"He should spend some time getting to know your body, and you his, but he'll enjoy it no matter what, so you needn't worry so much about that in the beginning. There will be places that feel good for him to kiss, that will make you want to move on. When you feel ready he should use his mouth or his hands on you."

Mary Margaret asks, "His mouth? Like down… there?"

Mal laughs at her incredulity. "Yes there, trust me it's very pleasurable."

"But isn't that improper?"

"In my view it's more scandalous to miss out on that type of pleasure because of some foolish notion of propriety."

Regina pipes up, "Mother thinks women shouldn't chase their pleasure."

Mal rolls her eyes, "Well then I'm glad I missed that life lesson, she's wrong, it's always better when you are both actually enjoying it, trust me."

Regina is still mortified but finds the courage to ask, thinking of those few clumsy times she was wanting and tried to get some relief with no avail. "What if I can't, what if there's something wrong with me and I can't… uh enjoy it… fully."

"Regina trust me you will, just talk to Robin tomorrow night, I'm sure he's, well maybe not just as worried, but worried too. It's going to be okay, just don't expect it to be perfect right away. Oh and one more piece of advice, and excuse how crude this is, but make sure he stretches you first with his fingers, don't let him shove inside you without any prep or it will be painful."

* * *

Robin's nervous, he's so unbelievably smitten with Regina Schuyler and he doesn't want to do anything to mess it up. He fumbled through their courtship, absolutely enamoured, somehow managing to charm her, the smartest woman he'd ever met. Though he was utterly besotted with her, he never thought he'd have a chance. After all, she's a Schuyler and he's just an immigrant, bastard, son of whore, he has nothing to offer her, but somehow she still fell for him and her father gave him his blessing.

Tomorrow they are getting married, tomorrow he gets to marry the woman he loves, and he's thrilled, but the wedding night makes him antsy. He's heard that it hurts a woman the first time, and he does not want to hurt Regina.

So he goes to his friend Killian Mulligan for advice. Killian is quite the ladies man and Robin's knows he's been with more than a couple maidens. Robin's heard far too much about Killian's exploits, knows far more about them then he wants to, but now he needs the advice.

Mal's husband John Little decides to join him for the ride. John and Cora were in the midst of arguing about something when Robin announced he was leaving and John jumped at the chance to escape for a while. Robin hadn't had the heart to say no, as he knows how much John hates Cora. Robin feels the same but is not as open with his disdain and John. If he knew John better Robin might have asked him, they've only met briefly a couple of times and he's not sure how well it would go over with him.

As the night goes on and they drink more Robin finds he and John have a lot more in common than they realized. A racy joke John tells reassures Robin that he won't scandalize John with his questions. Robin is grateful to have another person there to ask, he trusts Killian's advice to a certain extent but it's nice to have John there to verify what is and is not true.

They have a couple more drinks at Killian's estate, talking generally about the wedding before Robin gathers his courage and finally asks. "How do I make the wedding night good for her too? I don't want to hurt her."

Killian laughs, "I bet you regret not taking me up on that brothel visit now."

Not a chance, thinks Robin and his indigent, "No," makes John chuckle.

Killian goes on, "Listen mate it's not that hard, it's instinctual really, as long as she's wet you can stick it in and then the real fun begins."

"But don't you need to... prepare her some way?"

"Nah mate, a couple of kisses, get her naked, play with her tits and you are good to go."

Robin watches John's face turn from horror to disbelief and then he jumps in. "The key is to find out what she likes and then keep doing that. Don't rush to being inside her, take your time, build the anticipation. You have to discover her body and what works and doesn't."

Robin nods, that makes sense to him but it's also vague. "What can I do to take away any pain?"

Killian says, "Don't worry about that-"

John interrupts, talking over Killian until he gives up, "Get her nice and relaxed, turned on. She needs to be really wet and then use your fingers, one at a time, inside to prepare her. And outside, down there, is a spot that can give her intense pleasure, find it, and discover how she likes it touched."

Now that is helpful, Robin has seen a naked woman before, so he understands what John means by down there, at least he thinks he does.

Killian clearly annoyed at being interrupted adds, "Women are hard to please mate don't beat yourself up if you can't do it." He gestures to his drink clearly done with the topic "Anyone need another?"

He and John shake their heads and as Killian walks over to refill John whispers, "Don't listen to his advice I _beg_ of you."

Robin quickly reassures him, "I don't intend to."

On their carriage ride back to the Schuyler residence Robin thanks John profusely, and to their drivers distaste gets a few more tips and tricks about how to please a woman. It turns out the drinks made them much less discrete than they thought. Robin almost feels bad for the driver, until John tips him generously for the inconvenience of listening to such an impolite discussion.

* * *

The day flies by in a blur. Regina looked absolutely stunning in her gown and Robin's jaw had fallen open when he saw her. He stared at her in wonder the whole ceremony, paying little attention to anything but her. And when she said I do his heart just about exploded from sheer happiness.

Then they retired to her parents' house for a meal and party in honour of their marriage. There had been lots of wine and ale but Robin only had a couple, just enough to loosen his nerves, but not so much that he was drunk.

Mostly he had danced, he and Regina danced and danced, no longer limited in how many times they could dance together. He reveled in the feeling of her in his arms, the small touches they were now able to share freely and openly. He barely let her hand go once they were married, needing to feel close and connected to her.

He had kissed her, more than once, drawing scornful looks from her mother. The kisses were relatively chaste, lest they give Cora any reason to call him uncouth again and rant on about propriety.

Regina's eyes sparkled, her face lit up with a smile most of the night, right up until her maid came to escort her to their room. He saw the nerves flicker on her face for a second before she steeled her face and calmly said her goodnight's.

It's been enough time, he knows she's up there waiting for him. He makes his way up the stairs to their room, and just that thought has his nerves churning. He doesn't think he's ever been this nervous before, on the other side of the door is Regina, his wife, waiting for him so they can consummate their marriage.

He takes a deep breath and then knocks at the door. At her  _Come in,_ he enters the room.

He's been alone with her before, those few times Mal 'chaperoned' them and couple of stolen moments since the engagement but never like this. She's breathtaking, absolutely stunning with her hair down, in her sheer nightgown. He tries to ignore the thought of how it will be to touch her in this, not hindered by layers of clothing or fear of being caught. They need to talk first. He can tell she's nervous like him and he wants to do what he can to calm her fears, despite his raging hormones.

She's looking at him, shyly standing by the bed, and he moves to sit, gesturing for her to join him.

"Regina, my love, you look stunning and I'm so happy to be your husband."

She smiles, "And I'm thrilled to be your wife."

"I'm so lucky to have you," she blushes at that and shakes her head in disagreement. "No truly love I am, you are the most incredible woman I've ever met, and the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on. I'm just a poor immigrant, and I shouldn't have had a chance with you but I got one and I will never throw it away."

"I'm the lucky one," she insists, "I'm too outspoken and opinionated for most men."

"It's one of the things I love most about you," he tells her sincerely and watches as her face lights up at his compliment.

"I have to admit, I'm rather nervous about _this_ ," he says gesturing to the bed.

"As am I," she responds looking down, "I know what's expected but I've never… and I don't want it to be bad but I don't know what I'm doing."

"Nor do I my love, I know I have a bit of a reputation as a ladies man but it's not true, I've never been with a woman before and I want to make it good for you but I'm flying a little blind."

She laughs nervously, "Mal um made some suggestions."

"As did John, I went to Killian for advice and he came along and I've never been more grateful."

They look at each other, lost in each other's eyes for a second and he wants to kiss her, is about to when she asks, "So um what now?"

"I want to know what you like milady, would it be okay with you if we, uh tried some things, and you can tell me what's good and what's not."

She nods slightly and then he caresses her face softly before leaning in for a sweet kiss. It's not their first kiss, not by any means, but the opportunities have been few and far between. He relishes in the feeling of her lips on his, soft and tentative and as he deepens the kiss, he brings his hands to thread through her hair.

He ends the kiss, pulling his face away only slightly, and she smiles at him and then pulls him in for another kiss, this one more passionate, her mouth opening and her tongue tentatively seeking his out.

As soon as they touch he's lost to her, moves one hand down to her back, pulls in her closer so their bodies are touching as their tongues duel. She's pressed up against him, he can feel the warmth of her body beneath her nightdress and it's enough to drive him crazy. He wants to feel her, wants to try and bring her pleasure, to learn her body.

They kiss heatedly for several minutes as his hands become more adventurous, sliding up and down her back and moving closer to her fabulous ass.

He breaks the kiss to ask, "Is this okay?" and she nods eagerly in response. He wants her so badly, wants to move on, but remembers what John told him.

He plants a few kisses on her jaw and she sighs lightly, taking that as encouragement he kisses down her neck, between kisses he reminds her to tell him what she likes because though it seems to him that this is working for her he really can't be sure.

He figures out what John meant about him knowing what was good when he kisses that spot where her neck meets her shoulder. She lets out a strangled cry and tells him _So good,_ so he spends some time kissing licking and sucking that spot. He learns that she likes a suck but a bite is too much for that sensitive skin. He apologizes for it and he's happy to realize it's not too awkward, she's not offended by his mishaps and it's sort of fun for him to explore her this way.

He's made a bit of a mark there, the skin reddening so he takes that as a sign he should move on, explore other areas.

He kisses her again deeply, their tongue tangling and she moans in his mouth. The sound goes straight to his cock, as he tries to will himself to calm down. He's hard, has been since they began this, but he is determined to take it slow and make it good for her.

His breeches are tight, too tight and he's running out exposed skin to explore so he asks, "Is it okay if this comes off?" gesturing to his breeches and her nightdress.

She nods in response her face twisting anxiously and he rushes to reassure, "We won't do more until we're ready I'm just a bit uncomfortable in these breeches and I'm running out of unfettered places to kiss you."

That seems to relax her and she pulls the nightdress over her head as he unlaces his breeches. Then he looks at her, bare before him and his heart races. She looks at him shyly as he whispers, "You are _so_ beautiful milady."

He takes a moment just to look at her. She flushes under his gaze, but god she's just so beautiful and sexy and he wants her so so badly. Her breasts are wow, so perfect. He's seen a couple of women topless before, but none as sexy as Regina. Her nipples are standing up hard and he longs to suck on them. His gaze continues down her body and he stares at her gorgeous legs and the prize between them. He wants to try what John suggested, wants to bury his face between her legs and try to bring her pleasure but he is throbbing. He gives himself a quick stroke just for a bit of relief and Regina watches him intently, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Are you okay love?" he asks, "We don't have to do this."

Her voice is firm, "No I want to do this, it just seems a bit unfair that I'm completely naked and you are," she pauses, looking down at his erection popping out of his unlaced breeches, " _Almost_ fully dressed."

"Well I think I can help with that," he says smirking as he takes off his shirt and then she's the one staring as she reaches her hand out and over his chest. And god it feels incredible, her soft touch over his skin he moans as her hand ghosts over his nipple before trailing down towards his cock.

He gasps loudly as she touches him for the first time, wrapping her delicate hand around his erection and it's good, the feeling of someone else touching him, but it's too good, he doesn't want it to ever stop, wants to bury himself in her, but he needs to do more for her, so he grabs her hand stopping it.

At her quizzical expression he answers, "If you keep doing that I won't be able to control myself."

Then she's the one smirking that is until he pulls her in for another heated kiss, their positioning is a bit awkward so she lays down pulling him on top of her and shit, it's amazing the feeling of her warm skin against his.

He kisses down her neck again delighting in the encouraging moans and gasps she lets out in response. He kisses down her chest, then lightly sucks on her nipple. The breathy moan she lets out his name is the most beautiful sound he's ever heard so he does it again, and then sucks harder and she cries out louder. Fuck, he thought he was aching for it before but this, god it's so sexy.

He goes to the other one, gives it the same treatment, starting out soft and then increasing the intensity, but he's a bit overzealous, overestimates how hard he can and she lets out an uncomfortable  _Mhm_ before telling him, "That's too much, it's good just not that hard."

He whispers apologies into her skin before returning to the lighter pressure she enjoyed. She moans in response, her back arching as she threads her hand through his hair pushing him closer and he shivers.

His hands aren't really doing anything, just propping him up because he's not quite sure what he should be doing with them. He tries to move his one hand so he feel her curves but he misjudges how his weight is centered and ends up falling slightly so all of his weight is pressed against her.

He mumbles a  _Sorry_ but she tells him "S'okay, I like feeling you against me." And that makes two of them. He shifts a bit so his weight is resting on his knees, his breeches falling down and tangling at his knees.

"Is it alright if these come off?"

She nods smiling shyly and he pushes them off throws them aside and re-positions him so his hands are free to explore her.

His mouth meets hers again and there's an urgency to the kiss from both of them that wasn't there before. His hands slide down her back and grip at her hips and then he takes a handful of her gorgeous ass, so round but firm.

She tenses as his lips move down her stomach and he asks, "Is this okay?"

The breathy  _Yes,_ he gets in response lets him know it's anticipation and not discomfort, which is good because he would stop if she asked, no matter how much it hurt, but he's never been this hard ever and he desperately wants to feel her.

He finishes kissing down her stomach and now he's at a bit of loss, he can see that she's wet, but he's not sure where that pleasure spot is that John mentioned. He knows he needs to warm her up with his fingers so he grazes his hand down and over the hair to her opening and asks, "May I?"

She nods breathing heavily and he goes slowly, dipping one finger in to her hot, tight wetness. She feels amazing around his finger and he can only imagine how incredible she will feel around him. He's not really sure what he should be doing with his finger, just eases it in and out to start, as he looks down trying to figure out what part is that outer pleasure spot. He moves his finger from side to side, front to back and it seems like there's room for another finger so he slides a second one in slowly, but it's tight and she tenses but tells him, "It's okay keep going."

So he does, ever so slowly, until both are buried inside of her, her walls stretching to accommodate the intrusion. He continues to move slowly, upping the pace just slightly, and she's sighing, but it's not the sharp pleasure he hoped to bestow on her.

He needs to find that spot. He pulls out his fingers, glistening with her wetness and traces them up her folds searching. He hits a little nub and she inhales sharply so he rubs over it and she gasps, "Yea _there_."

This must be where John was talking about. He keeps up the loose rubs she seems to be enjoying and puts his other hand to work. He starts off slow again, just one finger, but she's more ready this time, can accommodate the second so he crooks it in too. The in and out motion seems to be better now with the light pressure on that outer spot because she's breathing heavily and he feels her shiver when he gives it a bit more pressure.

"Good?" he asks, just to be sure and she sighs "Yes."

He hits a spot inside her that makes her trembles on one thrust of his finger as she hisses out his name, but he was more focused on that outer spot so he's not sure where exactly he hit that was good.

He takes a second to focus on his fingers inside, moving them around hitting different spots and judging her reaction. He takes his time exploring inside of her with his fingers, taking note of the different textures inside her. He hits against a spongy spot along her front wall and she cries out again, so he curls his fingers up and over that spot.

"Oh god, that's…. _Oh Robin_ , yes."

He smiles; it seems he's found the right way to work his fingers inside her. He wishes he wasn't using his left hand because he can reach that other spot with his thumb but isn't sure he has the coordination to do both with his left hand.

He settles for using his right on that outer spot, rubbing over it in quick hard passes that have her breath quickening as she lets out encouraging sounds.

He has barely been touched, but he is so close just from hearing her, the lack of stimulation is getting painful, but he won't deny her her pleasure no matter how badly he wants to be inside her.

But then she whimpers, "I'm ready, I want you." and "Please Robin, I want to feel you." And well he's reached the end of his self control but the two fingers he has inside her don't seem like enough, relative to the size of him, so he tells her to wait and gives her a third. He's less gentle with this one but she doesn't seem to mind, he keeps hitting that good spot and she's crying out, tensing and tightening around him and as much as he wants her, he doesn't want to stop.

But then she's begging again, "Robin, please want to feel you...  _Ah._ "

He relents because he needs it too cannot wait a second longer to feel her. He lines himself up with her and slowly pushes himself in, inch by inch even though he is dying to slam into her and feel her all around him. He can tell it's not as good as his fingers, her face scrunches in pain but she urges him to continue.

He stops half way in and watches her take slow forced breaths, trying to relax and he asks, "Do you need me to stop love?" God it would be torture, but he doesn't want to hurt her.

"No, just um…" then she stops her face wrinkling.

"Just what, love, anything you want it's yours." And god he's trying so hard to focus on anything but the feel of her around him, it's amazing and he's so so close to coming.

"I don't know," she huffs frustrated, and no he doesn't want that. He pulls out a little, leaving just his tip in and its absolute torment to stop like this, but he wants to do this right. He shifts so he can reach that little bud and gives it some more firm rubs and she sighs happily. He once again thanks John for telling him about this magic spot, and shudders thinking how much harder this would have been if he didn't know about it.

She whispers encouragingly, "Yea that's good, you can keep going now, I'm ready."

And thank god because he needs to move, but he does it slowly, keeping up the pressure on that spot makes it easier, she's more relaxed now and not quite so tight around him. And god it feels so fucking good and then he's all the way in her and it's bliss, nothing has ever felt this good before. And he needs to move, can't help it, he slides in and out of her and oh god, he's close, so close, his balls are tight and heavy.

He manages a few more thrusts before he can't take it anymore and he surrenders to the pleasure. He comes hard inside her with a cry of her name and then rolls of off her, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"That was _amazing_." he says breathing into her skin, reveling in having her in his arms.

"Yea, it was, wasn't it."

And maybe it was better for her than he thought so he asks, "Did you uh have one too?"

She seems to get what he means. "I don't know, but I've never and that was more pleasure that I've ever had."

Though he's tired he won't leave her unsatisfied. "You would know if you did."

He strokes his hands down her body, intent on finishing her but she stops him and admits, "I'm a little sore, maybe another night?"

He's quick to apologize, though she swears there's no need, and he vows that next time he will make up for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opening this verse for prompts, if you want to see anything send me a prompt :)


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